Tears before bedtime
by Lar-lar
Summary: This is a short piece written from Miroku's POV. Sango stares into the flames of the fire while Miroku watches from a distance. Will he ever tell her how he feels?


Tears before bedtime. By Lar-lar.  
  
Okay, I'll warn you now this is alittle sad depending on how you look at it. I guess I've over-played Miroku's feelings somewhat, but I'm drawing on my own experiences here. And besides, I think it works. I think he's a lot deeper than he gets credit for. Anyway, I hope you like it. I'm still new to this so any comments or criticism are always welcome! Thanks! :)  
  
Disclaimer; I do not own any of the characters in this fanfic, I am merely borrowing them for my own evil purposes. *Smirks*  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------  
  
I can still hear her words ringing in my ears and I can defiantly still feel the sting of her slap on my face. I smile as I reach up my own hand to touch the stinging skin. Why do I do this to her? To myself? What gives me the right to act like an asshole? I tell myself I must be this way, that it will hurt her so much more if I were to tell her how I felt, to show her my heart. But really, who the hell am I kidding? This is hurting her just as much. I sigh. I'm a coward. I'm afraid. That she might hurt me by not returning my love. I smile again. Love huh? So your finally admitting it? And why would she anyway? She is a thousand times the person I will ever be. I allow myself the honor to look at her. She's sitting alone by the fire we built together earlier, Inuyasha and Shippou went down to the stream I think and Kagome wanted to take some picture with her camera contraption. The sky is beginning to darken and the moon is now clear to see. She looks so lonely sitting there on her own. What would I trade for just one day with her, to be myself and to forget all this crap. Just her and me. I begin to stand but not to go to her, to walk away. I can't think straight with her so close. She won't miss me anyway.  
  
"Houshi-sama?" Her voice startles me slightly, but thrills me at the same time. I shake my head, I sure have got it bad.  
  
"Hai?" I reply, still standing but not moving closer.  
  
"Where are you going?" She asks. Finally I turn towards her, she's still sitting but her head is facing me, her eyes staring into mine, I feel like she sees right through me sometimes. Her eyes are so deep as if she is searching my soul for something. Something I don't want her to find. I smile.  
  
"Gormen nasai I didn't mean to startle you. I was going to look around awhile. Maybe set up some wards around camp." She turns away from me, nodding slightly. I wait a moment but she says nothing more. Suddenly I don't want to go anywhere, I just want to stay exactly where I am and watch her for no other reason than to just know she's okay and she is safe. I wish I was brave. I wish I could walk over to her and just tell her how I feel. Does it really matter how she might react? She will smile and tell me I'm being silly or something like that or she will yell at me again. I smile, a sad smile this time. Whatever she may think of me I will never be more than a liar and a pervert in her eyes. Her wonderfully amazingly beautiful eyes... "Baka." I mumble to myself before I realize what I have done.  
  
"Houshi-sama? Your still here?" She asks. I close my eyes and shaking my head I curse my own stupidity.  
  
"Hai." Is all I can think to say. I hear her stand and walk towards me. I take a deep breath before I open my eyes, preparing myself for another look at the wonderful person I'm about to see whom I will never be able to call my own. I frown. Tears? "Daijoubu ka?" I ask. She nods.  
  
"Hai, I've just been thinking about things." I nod back at her, remembering all the tears I've shed over the course of my life. I don't know what to say to her, I feel as though saying anything will betray my true feelings. I can feel my own eyes burning with tears of sorrow for her. I try to turn away from her but she takes my hand in hers. I'm surprised and turn back to see a new emotion in her eyes. She's pleading with me, begging me not to leave her. Not now, not ever. I smile as best I can and let her lead me back to the fire where we sit beside each other. I can feel my heart beating a mile a minute, how ridiculous. We sit together, not saying a word. I notice Kirara sitting the other side of Sango. Her fur damp from Sango's tears. I look back to her, the worry apparent on my face. She smiles. "I hate this time of day." She begins, once again her voice sends a shiver down my spine, I try to hide it and focus of her words. "Too much time to think, sitting around the fire by myself."  
  
"Your not by yourself." I hear myself saying. "I'm here..." I pause slightly. "For you." That last part seems to take twice as long to say as the rest of it. I stare into the flames of the fire, too scared to look at her.  
  
"Iie, I'm not. Arigatou, Miroku." Miroku? I can't help but smile. I love the sound my true name makes when she speaks it. Silence again, I wish she would say something. I feel like I'm suffocating waiting to hear her voice again. "I wish I were home again." I look at her, surprised. There are so many levels to what she has just said. She looks back to me and smiles reassuringly. "I mean, I wish none of this had happened but not in a bad way." I nod. I understand, all too well unfortunately. "I am so glad to have met you guys but I would give anything to have my family back." She looks down to the ground, as if she feels guilty for what she has just said. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes again and I can't resist it any longer. I move closer to her and wrap my arms around her. To my surprise, she seems quite happy with this new level of closeness and relaxes into my arms.  
  
"It's okay." I tell her, breathing her in. "Your shouldn't feel bad about wanting your family back. It's only natural to want to have those you love most in the world close to you." I wondered for a brief moment if she had any idea of just how true those words were. As if to show her, I hugged her closer. Taking her in. I didn't know when I would get such a chance again. Suddenly she pulled away from me. I gasped as if she had taken away the very air that I needed to breath.  
  
"Miroku..." She said slowly, her face puzzled. "You're crying?" I am? Oh dear lord I am! I let her go completely and wipe my eyes with my robes. "Miroku?" She asks, I can hear the pleading in her voice but I can't seem to speak. I can feel my heart beating, faster and faster, I feel like it might explode. I can't think straight all I know is that I want to feel her close to me again. I shake my head and slowly look up at her, my mouth open but still no sound comes out. She smiles sadly at me, I know she understands and suddenly I don't want to hide form her anymore.  
  
"Gormen nasai Sango." I begin. "This isn't about me, it's about you. Please, don't worry, I am fine." I struggle alittle to hold my voice but I won't hurt her more by shedding more tears. She shakes her head but I close my eyes, I don't want to see this! I don't want to make her sad! I don't want to tell her! I can feel myself losing control, that scares me more than anything else ever did, I can't let it happen. I can feel her hand on my knee, she's looking at me, I can feel her eyes burning into my mind. I try to shake them off but I can't. "Sango, please..." I beg her to stop but she's scared for me. I know she is but I can't say anything to make it better, only make it worse. Now it's my turn to feel her arms around me. I sigh but except the gesture, hugging her back, just so happy to be able to feel her close again. "Gormen nasai..." I say again but she shakes her head.  
  
"Friendship means never having to say you're sorry." She says. I smile. That one sentence sums everything up for me. All my fears, my insecurities, my feelings, everything. I hug her tighter as I prepare to let her go again. "I didn't mean to upset you." She says. I shake my head.  
  
"You didn't. Far from it." I can see the confusion in her eyes but I just laugh, more of a chuckle really. Then I take her hand in mine. "I wish I could give you what you want so badly." I say, knowing that I can give her something close, but it's not fair as I would only have to claim it back again. Someday. "I want forever to mean forever." I didn't mean to say that part out loud but she doesn't seem to understand and simply nods. Maybe she does. I let go of her hand and slowly stand. "I had better lay those wards, if that's okay with you?" She smiles at me, at true smile. I love that smile. I can't help smiling back at her. I turn to walk away but before I can move, I turn back for on last look. She's still smiling, true happiness shines from her very being. I want to wrap my arms around her and tell her all my hearts desires but instead I wink at her, causing a giggle, and then, I walk away. The hardest steps I ever had to take. 'Friendship means never having to say you're sorry'. I think to myself. Yes, and love means always being there in whatever way is needed, caring more about others than you do yourself. It was at that point I knew for sure I loved her.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --------------  
  
Authors notes; Wow! My first fanfic! *grins* I don't know if I'll add more to it, probably do a sequel but that's it for now. I may do the same story from Sango's POV, what do you think? Review and let me know! 


End file.
